Post by Padre Romero on Jan 1, 2008 13:09:07 GMT -5
THE 2008 DOOMSDAY PROJECT
Hello all. It has come to my attention that we live in the 21st century: a fascinating time of epic technological progress. In deference to our mortal failings thus far in the 21st century, I feel it is my duty as a citizen of the world to exploit this new technology towards unspeakable ends. In the “Nth Country Experiment” performed in the early 60’s, our government made the harrowing discovery that 2 newly-minted PhD’s, using only declassified information, could construct a nuclear warhead given adequate access to uranium. I intend to top that.
It is my belief that in this 21st century of ours, where nuclear warheads are doled out like candy to any two-bit warlord looking to advance his nationalistic ends, we should be able to do better. And so, in this bright new year of 2008, I submit that one bright college student can draft plans for a working doomsday device, capable of holding the entire world hostage, in one year.
I am a history and communications major from the university of St. Louis with absolutely no scientific background and the mathematical finesse of a lawn gnome. I am, however, uniquely qualified to attempt this historic experiment. Allow me to present:
MY QUALIFICATIONS
1) I am Extraordinarily Smart:
I don’t think you can quite grasp how smart I am…it’s really quite impressive. In order to demonstrate my intellect, I will now say a phrase that is both scientific and possibly-doomsday-device-related: “Laplacian Spherical Harmonics”…See, that’s pretty damn smart. You probably didn’t know what it is. If you DID know what it is, you probably “wiki’d” and you should be ashamed of yourself. If you knew what it was without “wiki’ing” it, I suggest you contact me to assist on my project
2) I Have Seen every “James Bond”, “Mission Impossible”, and “Batman” film ever created:
I should clear this up, “Thunderball’s” Low quality and lack of a good evil plot disqualifies it as a “James Bond Film”. Similarly “Mission Impossible III’s” lack of competent actors disqualified it as a “Film”. I have also seen nearly every episode of “The Avengers”, “Get Smart”, and “MacGyver”.
3) I Built A Robot Once: It was in middle-school, it was made primarily of Lego’s and could follow a black line across a piece of white paste board.
4) I speak a Foreign Language: Actually, I speak both Chinese AND Latin, allowing me to both elicit xenophobia when I chastise my minions in mandarin, and appear coldly intellectual when I quote Virgil and Cicero.
5) I am A Science Fiction Author: Arthur C. Clarke, Isaac Asimov, H.G. Wells, and Samuel Clemens all constructed death-rays, robo-armies, and earthquake generators of their own, either as hobbyists or (In Clemens’s case) as a means of enacting revenge. This proves beyond all doubt that a science-fiction author like myself must either possess the means of creating a doomsday device or the ability to make up outrageous lies as he goes along
6)I am Extremely Good in Bed: This is not an especially good qualification, I just felt that I should point it out.
Here are the rules I shall Follow:
1) THE PLANS FOR THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE WILL BE DRAFTED IN SILVER OR WHITE INK ON GENUINE BLUEPRINT PAPER
Self explanatory, it wouldn’t be much fun otherwise.
2) THE PLANS FOR THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE WILL BE MADE PUBLIC
Addendum: Should I hit disturbingly close to the mark and produce something with an even chance of working, you have my word that the plans will be lost, stolen, or sold to the highest bidder
3) THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE WILL BE PLANNED BY ME, USING INFORMATION GARNERED ONLY FROM A SELECT GROUP OF OUTSIDE SOURCES.
I will use only information garnered from professors at the university I attend (Saint Louis University), and books available from the main library on campus (Pius). I also reserve the right to consult students and close acquaintances I already know. I also reserve the right to “wiki” anything I like, and use the advice of anyone who knows what "Laplacian Spherical Harmonics" is.
4) I SHALL ALLOCATE NO MORE THAN 3 HOURS OF WORK PER WEEK, AND NO MORE THAN $100, TO THE CONSTRUCTION OF THE DEVICE.
Self Explanatory, it wouldn’t be much fun otherwise
5) IT SHALL BE READY FOR CONSTRUCTION NO LATER THAN JAN 1ST, 2009:
One year, 3 hours a week, that's something like 160 hours to build such a device. I reserve the right to use slave-labor.
PHASE ONE:
Ladies and Gentlemen, We are at Phase one of my terrifying operation: The selection of which doomsday device to build. I believe I am qualified to produce one of three options, detailed below, I ask you to select one and help me decide what to construct. Voting will continue for three weeks.
1) A gigantic Space-laser: Since I was a boy, I have been fascinated with laser beams (mostly because of their mathematical precision and the fact that they're fucking awesome) I am a self-taught scholar of Da'Vinci, Hooke, Kircher, Newton, and other giants of history who realized the awesome potential of optics. Granted, it is only in the past 50 years that we have truly realized their dream of using electromagnetic radiation to bore giant steaming holes in steel plates. Though I have no formal training in optics, electronics, or fusion (Doomsday rule #1: if it does not, in some way use fusion, it's not worth building.) I believe I can master these sciences after a brief trip to the library. Vote for this option, and I will create a massive laser of some kind.
2) A Weather-Machine/Storm Generator: I have taken 2 courses in college relating to science/mathematics. One was a meteorology course called "Understand the Weather", the other was about Chaos Theory. It is my firm belief that this endows me with the technological ability (and the ethical imperative) to create a massive storm generator capable of leveling cities. Vote for this device and I shall attempt to construct one.
3) A Mind-Control Device: I have read numerous books on Neuroscience and Neurosurgery, I've also taken three psych courses. This, I believe, should allow me with the knowledge necessary to exploit the chemical and electrical properties of the mind to my own ends. Vote for this device and I will endeavor to construct a machine which will allow me to control the very thoughts of my adversaries. I shall endeavor to use fusion in this device, but I don't think it's likely.
(This note posted at various locations throughout the internet
Hello all. It has come to my attention that we live in the 21st century: a fascinating time of epic technological progress. In deference to our mortal failings thus far in the 21st century, I feel it is my duty as a citizen of the world to exploit this new technology towards unspeakable ends. In the “Nth Country Experiment” performed in the early 60’s, our government made the harrowing discovery that 2 newly-minted PhD’s, using only declassified information, could construct a nuclear warhead given adequate access to uranium. I intend to top that.
It is my belief that in this 21st century of ours, where nuclear warheads are doled out like candy to any two-bit warlord looking to advance his nationalistic ends, we should be able to do better. And so, in this bright new year of 2008, I submit that one bright college student can draft plans for a working doomsday device, capable of holding the entire world hostage, in one year.
I am a history and communications major from the university of St. Louis with absolutely no scientific background and the mathematical finesse of a lawn gnome. I am, however, uniquely qualified to attempt this historic experiment. Allow me to present:
MY QUALIFICATIONS
1) I am Extraordinarily Smart:
I don’t think you can quite grasp how smart I am…it’s really quite impressive. In order to demonstrate my intellect, I will now say a phrase that is both scientific and possibly-doomsday-device-related: “Laplacian Spherical Harmonics”…See, that’s pretty damn smart. You probably didn’t know what it is. If you DID know what it is, you probably “wiki’d” and you should be ashamed of yourself. If you knew what it was without “wiki’ing” it, I suggest you contact me to assist on my project
2) I Have Seen every “James Bond”, “Mission Impossible”, and “Batman” film ever created:
I should clear this up, “Thunderball’s” Low quality and lack of a good evil plot disqualifies it as a “James Bond Film”. Similarly “Mission Impossible III’s” lack of competent actors disqualified it as a “Film”. I have also seen nearly every episode of “The Avengers”, “Get Smart”, and “MacGyver”.
3) I Built A Robot Once: It was in middle-school, it was made primarily of Lego’s and could follow a black line across a piece of white paste board.
4) I speak a Foreign Language: Actually, I speak both Chinese AND Latin, allowing me to both elicit xenophobia when I chastise my minions in mandarin, and appear coldly intellectual when I quote Virgil and Cicero.
5) I am A Science Fiction Author: Arthur C. Clarke, Isaac Asimov, H.G. Wells, and Samuel Clemens all constructed death-rays, robo-armies, and earthquake generators of their own, either as hobbyists or (In Clemens’s case) as a means of enacting revenge. This proves beyond all doubt that a science-fiction author like myself must either possess the means of creating a doomsday device or the ability to make up outrageous lies as he goes along
6)I am Extremely Good in Bed: This is not an especially good qualification, I just felt that I should point it out.
Here are the rules I shall Follow:
1) THE PLANS FOR THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE WILL BE DRAFTED IN SILVER OR WHITE INK ON GENUINE BLUEPRINT PAPER
Self explanatory, it wouldn’t be much fun otherwise.
2) THE PLANS FOR THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE WILL BE MADE PUBLIC
Addendum: Should I hit disturbingly close to the mark and produce something with an even chance of working, you have my word that the plans will be lost, stolen, or sold to the highest bidder
3) THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE WILL BE PLANNED BY ME, USING INFORMATION GARNERED ONLY FROM A SELECT GROUP OF OUTSIDE SOURCES.
I will use only information garnered from professors at the university I attend (Saint Louis University), and books available from the main library on campus (Pius). I also reserve the right to consult students and close acquaintances I already know. I also reserve the right to “wiki” anything I like, and use the advice of anyone who knows what "Laplacian Spherical Harmonics" is.
4) I SHALL ALLOCATE NO MORE THAN 3 HOURS OF WORK PER WEEK, AND NO MORE THAN $100, TO THE CONSTRUCTION OF THE DEVICE.
Self Explanatory, it wouldn’t be much fun otherwise
5) IT SHALL BE READY FOR CONSTRUCTION NO LATER THAN JAN 1ST, 2009:
One year, 3 hours a week, that's something like 160 hours to build such a device. I reserve the right to use slave-labor.
PHASE ONE:
Ladies and Gentlemen, We are at Phase one of my terrifying operation: The selection of which doomsday device to build. I believe I am qualified to produce one of three options, detailed below, I ask you to select one and help me decide what to construct. Voting will continue for three weeks.
1) A gigantic Space-laser: Since I was a boy, I have been fascinated with laser beams (mostly because of their mathematical precision and the fact that they're fucking awesome) I am a self-taught scholar of Da'Vinci, Hooke, Kircher, Newton, and other giants of history who realized the awesome potential of optics. Granted, it is only in the past 50 years that we have truly realized their dream of using electromagnetic radiation to bore giant steaming holes in steel plates. Though I have no formal training in optics, electronics, or fusion (Doomsday rule #1: if it does not, in some way use fusion, it's not worth building.) I believe I can master these sciences after a brief trip to the library. Vote for this option, and I will create a massive laser of some kind.
2) A Weather-Machine/Storm Generator: I have taken 2 courses in college relating to science/mathematics. One was a meteorology course called "Understand the Weather", the other was about Chaos Theory. It is my firm belief that this endows me with the technological ability (and the ethical imperative) to create a massive storm generator capable of leveling cities. Vote for this device and I shall attempt to construct one.
3) A Mind-Control Device: I have read numerous books on Neuroscience and Neurosurgery, I've also taken three psych courses. This, I believe, should allow me with the knowledge necessary to exploit the chemical and electrical properties of the mind to my own ends. Vote for this device and I will endeavor to construct a machine which will allow me to control the very thoughts of my adversaries. I shall endeavor to use fusion in this device, but I don't think it's likely.
(This note posted at various locations throughout the internet
