Post by avernaith on May 14, 2007 16:55:57 GMT -5
The barricades (such as they are) start to creak as something presses hard against them. Pounding starts, then a sharp sound like a pistol being fired. Finally, a desert tan combat boot smashes through a piece of board, and a grubby looking black man enters behind it, struggling with an awkward, pink plastic wrapped basket. The man is dressed in tattered urban grey camos with a few weeks of funk gathered on the sleeves and legs. In place of a backpack, he has an assortment of shotguns and a well-used aluminum bat. He stomps across the floor to one of the remaining tables and drops the basket down with a thud. The thud comes from the basket itself, which looks like a sooty fireman's helmet, a Fire Marshal's cover from the looks of the shiny badge. The 'basket' is filled with all sorts of goodies, which start spilling onto the table as Spray Can cuts open the pink plastic wrapping.
"Damn, I'd a done come up in here sooner if I'd of known you wuz gonna give me a damn Easter basket. Shit, and it ain't even Easter. Lessee what you all be givin' me. To Charlotte, from Templeton. What sorta shit be that? My name is Spray Can. S-P-R-A-Y Can. Charlotte. Shit that ain't even close. And who be Templeton? Dickhole Guy, he always be pullin shit like dis. We gots white and dark chocolate Twix, some ramens, a jar of...what tha fuck? Artichoke hearts? Who be eatin that shit? Where's the pickled pig's feet? Jus' like my Momma always made. I luvs you Black Betty, wherever you is!"
Spray Can shuffles through more of the basket's contents, dislodging a stuffed animal (a big fuzzy spider), setting aside a six-pack of Jones Green Apple, and a bag of dill pickle potato chips. "You guys don't know me at all. I don't like none of this. Tin Drum? Das gotta be the dumbest movie title I ever heard of, an I ain't even got me a DVD playa. Peeps, lil smokies, saltines, hummus...what is this? HEY MEL-O-DEE, get yo scrawny ass down here. I got's to ask you some questions. Whatchu givin' me all this crap fo? You knows what I likes, baby. How bout some damn Newports, or maybe some damn Popeye's take out. Goddamn burger maybe. MEL-O-DEE, where you at, girl?! You gots to see what some crazy cracka left on yo front doorstep!"
Satisfied at last that the basket isn't for him, Spray Can holds up a piece of shiny silk near the bottom of the basket. A pink babydoll tee with a fiery red heart and the words 'Firemen Are Hot'. "Oh MEL-O-DEE, I b'lieves you gonna like these here gifts I done brought up fo you! Come on down an' take you a look baby! You gonna luvs them!"
"Damn, I'd a done come up in here sooner if I'd of known you wuz gonna give me a damn Easter basket. Shit, and it ain't even Easter. Lessee what you all be givin' me. To Charlotte, from Templeton. What sorta shit be that? My name is Spray Can. S-P-R-A-Y Can. Charlotte. Shit that ain't even close. And who be Templeton? Dickhole Guy, he always be pullin shit like dis. We gots white and dark chocolate Twix, some ramens, a jar of...what tha fuck? Artichoke hearts? Who be eatin that shit? Where's the pickled pig's feet? Jus' like my Momma always made. I luvs you Black Betty, wherever you is!"
Spray Can shuffles through more of the basket's contents, dislodging a stuffed animal (a big fuzzy spider), setting aside a six-pack of Jones Green Apple, and a bag of dill pickle potato chips. "You guys don't know me at all. I don't like none of this. Tin Drum? Das gotta be the dumbest movie title I ever heard of, an I ain't even got me a DVD playa. Peeps, lil smokies, saltines, hummus...what is this? HEY MEL-O-DEE, get yo scrawny ass down here. I got's to ask you some questions. Whatchu givin' me all this crap fo? You knows what I likes, baby. How bout some damn Newports, or maybe some damn Popeye's take out. Goddamn burger maybe. MEL-O-DEE, where you at, girl?! You gots to see what some crazy cracka left on yo front doorstep!"
Satisfied at last that the basket isn't for him, Spray Can holds up a piece of shiny silk near the bottom of the basket. A pink babydoll tee with a fiery red heart and the words 'Firemen Are Hot'. "Oh MEL-O-DEE, I b'lieves you gonna like these here gifts I done brought up fo you! Come on down an' take you a look baby! You gonna luvs them!"
