Post by 23skidoo on May 18, 2008 15:42:34 GMT -5
It is with a heavy heart and weary head that I bring this latest report to you. I apologize for any seeming tardiness on my part, it's been a while since the last words left my mouth. But not without reason friends, not without a damn shame of a reason.
Ron Burgundy is dead! Thats right, this isn't some bad joke on the teleprompter, this is the real deal, as seen with my own bleary eyes.
About a fortnight ago Ron informed us all that he had grown too classy for this town, indeed this world, and that Odin was sending a long ship from Valhalla to collect his sweet soul. He didn't want us grieving though, or down or even sad. He wanted us drunk and singing and fighting with glorious excess. He wanted us back at the Bear Pit, dousing ourselves in scotch and loose morals and giving him the send off he deserved.
His body was carried in a glass case of emotion, floating in 3 fingers of Glen Livet. Red Panda had the case on his back, led in by Tova and flanked by Tarj, Dan Breen, Newhill and Nickolay. The rest of the news team danced and wailed in the wings like well groomed dervishes.
Tightrope said a few slurred words and Densetsu read out a telegram from Ed Harken, who apologized for his absence, explaining that his son had been arrested for heckling the Pope at an open mike event!
Many good people came and paid their respects, all of which was caught on film by our lowly cameraman - DVD available for only $15.99. After all was said and done, Comrade Tova took the torch and set Ron alight. As the smoke filled the air I have to tell you, he smelled good, I mean really good - Burgundy Joss Sticks available for only $4.
Finally it was done, his spirit soared through the ventilation shafts and into the boudoir of Odin's wives. As the fires died down many claimed to have heard the sex dripping sound of the jazz flute, others the howl of an abandoned dog. Me, I heard that velvet voice saying for the last time,
'You Stay Classy Malton'
You stay classy too Ron, and keep those pancakes warm for us.
Ron Burgundy is dead! Thats right, this isn't some bad joke on the teleprompter, this is the real deal, as seen with my own bleary eyes.
About a fortnight ago Ron informed us all that he had grown too classy for this town, indeed this world, and that Odin was sending a long ship from Valhalla to collect his sweet soul. He didn't want us grieving though, or down or even sad. He wanted us drunk and singing and fighting with glorious excess. He wanted us back at the Bear Pit, dousing ourselves in scotch and loose morals and giving him the send off he deserved.
His body was carried in a glass case of emotion, floating in 3 fingers of Glen Livet. Red Panda had the case on his back, led in by Tova and flanked by Tarj, Dan Breen, Newhill and Nickolay. The rest of the news team danced and wailed in the wings like well groomed dervishes.
Tightrope said a few slurred words and Densetsu read out a telegram from Ed Harken, who apologized for his absence, explaining that his son had been arrested for heckling the Pope at an open mike event!
Many good people came and paid their respects, all of which was caught on film by our lowly cameraman - DVD available for only $15.99. After all was said and done, Comrade Tova took the torch and set Ron alight. As the smoke filled the air I have to tell you, he smelled good, I mean really good - Burgundy Joss Sticks available for only $4.
Finally it was done, his spirit soared through the ventilation shafts and into the boudoir of Odin's wives. As the fires died down many claimed to have heard the sex dripping sound of the jazz flute, others the howl of an abandoned dog. Me, I heard that velvet voice saying for the last time,
'You Stay Classy Malton'
You stay classy too Ron, and keep those pancakes warm for us.