Post by 23skidoo on Sept 17, 2008 12:19:26 GMT -5
NEWS TEAM SPECIAL UPDATE!!
It has been a while since we’ve heard from our men in the field. We knew they had dispersed to distill their heroic brand of broadcasting but the sponsors were beginning to worry with the lack of information coming out of Malton.
Well today their wallets can breathe easy as the News Desk was assailed by a collection of horny little ferrets bearing news from a familiar source….
---Brown Horny Ferret Report---
I can’t get a signal!!! How the hell does a man spread the news without a signal?!
These are dilemmas that would flummox mortal men, but to a News Man it’s just a lump in the gravy! Like the marines we learn to improvise, overcome and adapt. And we do it all without crushing our hair with a helmet.
I’ve managed to secure a small family of trainable ferrets that, for a price, are prepared to secrete these messages out to you until I hit a more civilised part of town. Hopefully they wont let me down, although the little grey ones already pissed on the first draft of this report. In future I wont get em drunk till the message is strapped to their back.
If these don’t make it, if the ferrets should fail, don’t change that damn dial. I’ll get you hooked up to the News one way or another.
Now go my furry little friend and try not to fornicate along the way!
---Albino Horny Ferret Report---
Owsleybank was a bust. I’ve haven't seen such abandonment since parents day at one of my kids boarding schools. There is nobody here and it’s getting seriously spooky. Even the dead seem to have given up the ghost and headed for pastures new.
I’ve been sleeping light and drinking heavily and talking to myself more and more. The drunker I get the more interesting shit I learn about myself. I didn’t know my favorite colour was yellow for instance, but my drunken alter ego did. There’s more but this is for a 6 o’clock broadcast and you guys don’t need to know my unrealised thoughts on other subjects – I didn’t need to know my thoughts if I’m honest but what can you do, the drink must be heard!
I’ve trekked up to the Hills, hoping to bump into the marshals of the west, the DHPD, but no dice. If there’s a new sheriff in town he’s mighty small and mighty quiet. It’s all falling apart slowly, buildings crumbling and bottles emptying. Anyone I do meet is too damn suspicious to get close to. I cant really blame them, I’ve been shooting at shadows for days now I’m so yipped up.
Anyway, I’m sending little ‘Whitey’ out on the next mission. He’s just mated with a gerbil, I think…., so he should be able to keep his mind on the job for a while. I’m going to strike out for Caiger next, see if I cant find a damn transistor or phone mast or even just another human that doesn’t drool.
That’s all we’ve got time for tonight folks but we’ll give you more just as soon as we can get these damn things back down our pant legs!
*No ferrets were harmed during this broadcast*
It has been a while since we’ve heard from our men in the field. We knew they had dispersed to distill their heroic brand of broadcasting but the sponsors were beginning to worry with the lack of information coming out of Malton.
Well today their wallets can breathe easy as the News Desk was assailed by a collection of horny little ferrets bearing news from a familiar source….
---Brown Horny Ferret Report---
I can’t get a signal!!! How the hell does a man spread the news without a signal?!
These are dilemmas that would flummox mortal men, but to a News Man it’s just a lump in the gravy! Like the marines we learn to improvise, overcome and adapt. And we do it all without crushing our hair with a helmet.
I’ve managed to secure a small family of trainable ferrets that, for a price, are prepared to secrete these messages out to you until I hit a more civilised part of town. Hopefully they wont let me down, although the little grey ones already pissed on the first draft of this report. In future I wont get em drunk till the message is strapped to their back.
If these don’t make it, if the ferrets should fail, don’t change that damn dial. I’ll get you hooked up to the News one way or another.
Now go my furry little friend and try not to fornicate along the way!
---Albino Horny Ferret Report---
Owsleybank was a bust. I’ve haven't seen such abandonment since parents day at one of my kids boarding schools. There is nobody here and it’s getting seriously spooky. Even the dead seem to have given up the ghost and headed for pastures new.
I’ve been sleeping light and drinking heavily and talking to myself more and more. The drunker I get the more interesting shit I learn about myself. I didn’t know my favorite colour was yellow for instance, but my drunken alter ego did. There’s more but this is for a 6 o’clock broadcast and you guys don’t need to know my unrealised thoughts on other subjects – I didn’t need to know my thoughts if I’m honest but what can you do, the drink must be heard!
I’ve trekked up to the Hills, hoping to bump into the marshals of the west, the DHPD, but no dice. If there’s a new sheriff in town he’s mighty small and mighty quiet. It’s all falling apart slowly, buildings crumbling and bottles emptying. Anyone I do meet is too damn suspicious to get close to. I cant really blame them, I’ve been shooting at shadows for days now I’m so yipped up.
Anyway, I’m sending little ‘Whitey’ out on the next mission. He’s just mated with a gerbil, I think…., so he should be able to keep his mind on the job for a while. I’m going to strike out for Caiger next, see if I cant find a damn transistor or phone mast or even just another human that doesn’t drool.
That’s all we’ve got time for tonight folks but we’ll give you more just as soon as we can get these damn things back down our pant legs!
*No ferrets were harmed during this broadcast*