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Post by Lachryma on Jun 13, 2007 15:06:17 GMT -5
" I'm gonna play a song about a zed named Dan, who thought he could eat the brain of every man, his soul was cold like the artic ice, and if you might cross him you better think twice.
No, this zed was a stone cold looner, who could most likely kill you with his booner, his smile is like the bombs over Iraq, who condems your soul, and leaves your body to dry, you'll lose your mind, thinking over your crimes, if you as much as peek in his eyes.
But Dan the zed would soon meet his end, at the hands of a former friend, who betrayed, and turned all harman, and blew Dans brain out, he was a 9 mm gooner.
In with these words i'll leave you to think, about your own sins, your own darkest moments,
'cause if you walk down that road where Dan once went, you'll only come to realise you've embraced your own end.
"If you got suggestions for changes go right on ahead, it's not exactly a work of art  Icejedi is spot on. Each line should have roughly the same number of syllables as the line it rhymes with, to give it 'flow'. You might also think about a ABAB rhyme scheme, just for the hell of it. And you should throw in some metaphors. About sunsets. |
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Post by Magatsu Taito on Jun 13, 2007 15:14:36 GMT -5
I'll work on it a bit then, and will seriously consider sunsets in there somewhere, i might change some parts of it completly, since they are actually quite bad... Like the booner, what was i thinking?  |
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Post by IceJedi5 on Jun 13, 2007 15:16:45 GMT -5
I hope you know what you are doing. A reference to the meat is a reference that can't be beat.
The sunset dealio can go at the end. Sunset at the end and sunrise at the beggining. Never revearse them unless you sing about vampires. Or owls.
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Post by Lachryma on Jun 13, 2007 15:35:03 GMT -5
I was just joking about the sunsets. Whenever I was talking about adding new things to a poem in my poetry class, I'd always joked about sunsets, since it sounds so 'poet-y'. So you can add whatever the bloody feth you want.
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Post by Lachryma on Jun 19, 2007 15:36:26 GMT -5
La la la, is my RATM gonna play or not? Cuz it's not on the wiki page....
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Post by Magatsu Taito on Jun 19, 2007 18:21:11 GMT -5
have anyone asked the band yet? they can't play if they dont know, can they?
and i've actually made alot of rhymes the last couple of days, i think i have enough for at least 2 songs, though i'm not entirely sure. Will post when done, and if anyone feels like taking over the Dan song go ahead, it kinda sucked anyway, at least compared to what i've written reasently... Oh, and this new stuff is serious, it's not for fun or anything like that, i'm gonna learn how to rap, then i might start a band, we'll see what happens.
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Post by Lachryma on Jun 19, 2007 18:31:41 GMT -5
have anyone asked the band yet? they can't play if they dont know, can they? Whaaa? And good luck with your songs! |
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Post by IceJedi5 on Jun 19, 2007 18:36:32 GMT -5
I forgot about this, anyway RATM are in, so is Magatsu Taito.
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Post by Magatsu Taito on Jun 19, 2007 18:59:44 GMT -5
Then i'm really gonna have to work on my stuff, i'll try to post something tomorrow so you get an idea of what it's like.
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Post by Lachryma on Jun 19, 2007 19:11:30 GMT -5
Well, if you and Spec are gonna have original stuffs, I guess I should show some effort too.
Maybe I'll change 'Township Rebellion' into 'Suburb Rebellion' and make it all UD-ified...hmm...
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Post by IceJedi5 on Jun 19, 2007 19:24:18 GMT -5
If you want to UD it, then cool. What ever is easier on you since you are the Czarina.
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Post by Magatsu Taito on Jun 20, 2007 5:20:51 GMT -5
Could we perhaps drop by the Quartly and jam a bit? Would be awesome. Plus i could use some extension of my vocabulary so i dont repeat myself during the Zombipalooza...
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Post by IceJedi5 on Jun 20, 2007 11:01:06 GMT -5
If I can convince the people to move a bit more before Clapton.
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Post by Specialist290 on Jun 20, 2007 11:26:49 GMT -5
I'm overdue for a visit to Quartly and I have an invitation to speak there, so I could possibly cash in on that...
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Post by Lachryma on Jun 20, 2007 13:13:45 GMT -5
Hey, Rage is like 4 AP from the Quartly! Want me to start warming 'em up super early?
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