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Post by 23skidoo on Jul 31, 2007 9:29:09 GMT -5
The Information Minister has been wandering far and wide across the not so fair city of Malton, looking for the scoop, pushing for the Pulitzer and generally keeping the 'Y' in stYle. After a lonely forage through the PBS wilderness of the south west and a fruitless search for the Rouge Heart Aces he finds himself far from safety in the wildlands of forgotten Quarlesbank. How did he get here you may ask, and why even bother. Well my brothers and sisters...and cows, when we forsake the outer limits of our city we give up on so much more. If you want to find the answers and the stories then look out, not in. And the answers are grim. Calvert is gone, the suburb of Gatcombeton is a mess and all around are empty buildings and groans on the wind. The minister has collected stories, some brutal, some despairing, some heartfelt and warming...not too many of them unfortunatley, many are too tragic for the 6 o'clock news and Rons emotional range. He will continue to broadcast from the wild, bringing the voices of the few to the ears of the many. But brace yourselves my friends, for these tales may be hard to bear.
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Post by 23skidoo on Aug 1, 2007 14:19:43 GMT -5
Jensentown, a dismal place filled with downtrodden survivors. I'm hanging out with John Mohr and Mr Potato Head today, hoping they will fill me in on the local scene. So far John is keeping it tight, I just wish he would stop shaking. Mr Potato Head has had me in stitches all afternoon with his incredible disguises, but I feel that if he offers up nothing else tomorrow I'll have to cancel the story and try to find another angle. Maybe John will come out of his post traumatic funk long enough to give me a sound bite....but I expect an infected bite is more likely to be in his future.
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Post by Tovarisch Khrushchev on Aug 1, 2007 14:22:21 GMT -5
Keep us updated.
And now Champ Kind with sports....
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Post by 23skidoo on Aug 2, 2007 15:57:35 GMT -5
A new day dawns, and with it....hope? John has come out of his stupor, remarkably so in fact. I suspect contraband is involved, but if so he isn't sharing. Who does in this city. He suggested I strike out north for a recently retaken NT, perhaps there might be fresh news and slightly better profiles. While Mr Potato Head had a certain something about him, his face was built for radio. Continuing the Potato story, he also proved to be a mine of information so I feel I owe him an apology. I misjudged the man and was guided by his comical glasses and oversized lips. Next time I meet a Potato shaped stranger I'll try to get beneath the dirty skin and see past the chips on their shoulders! So I find myself in Bandit country again, no company, no energy and a fairly flimsy set of of items keeping the wolf from the door. Tomorrow I'll try for the NT building and see what news is on the wind.
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Post by 23skidoo on Aug 7, 2007 7:32:16 GMT -5
Another lead...another 'dead' end. The NT was a bust, ripped apart and full of nobody you'd want to share a green room with. I felt let down but not surprised. The news moves pretty fast in this town and it's easy to get left in its wake. I struck out north, to really get a feel from the 'edge', but soon realised I had made a mistake. 2 days spent travelling, barricading rooms and avoiding the many unfriendlies, without a soull to speak too. Obviously I speak into the mike, thats how these gold plated words end up in your skulls. But the mike doesn't speak back, and its getting real lonely up here. I've reached the 'top of the world', Baber Towers, in Quarelsbank. Its rumored that this tower was built by arrogant men who believed it was their right to ascend to the heavens before the almighty was ready for them. Up and up the tower went and nearer and nearer the pearly gates seemed. They made plans to pee in the holy water, bully jesus and pin 'kick me' signs on the back of god, and god saw this and was angry. He smote down the tower and turned the men inside it into dodos so they would be reminded of their stupidity everytime they drank from the ponds and rivers. Then he made them extinct because he was a vengeful god and should not be messed with. Of course, its all a sham, just one of the many odd tales that you hear when you stray from the civilised path. I'm just going to check on the barricades, I'm sure I can hear someone trying to get in. I hope they have good hygene.
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Post by 23skidoo on Aug 7, 2007 9:44:07 GMT -5
BGHARRZ ARRZ BAGB AR GBHRNBG BMNHRMNM ARMB RAHRNM ARHA RZBGARMNMN GHABGBGARNG BGHARRZ ARBGRZ A GBHAHABZ BNMRN! AR GBHARZHARBBHA AN HAMMRA MBHRR BGHARRZ RZHARBG.
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Post by 23skidoo on Aug 7, 2007 9:51:10 GMT -5
I'm sorry folks, we're going to have to interupt this braodcast. It appears that the info minister has gone and done an Andy. Remember kids, it's always worth putting an extra bookshelf on the barricades before bedtime. Now, if someone could get up to Baber Towers in Q'bank and revive that fool we can get on with the news. Next up its a word from our sponsers, Zampax, then its over to Veronica Corningstone with an exciting expose on the menstrual cycle of female zombies.
(someone get him back quick!)
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Post by 23skidoo on Aug 9, 2007 8:26:01 GMT -5
Well, thank you Veronica. I, and I'm sure most of our viewers, have well and truly had our eyes opened to an otherwise hidden side of the zombie female.
We have breaking news from the field. There are unconfirmed reports that our man in the wild has headed back to shearbank, some primal calling has over ridden his zombie cravings and, like a salmon in a silk shirt, he has swam straight for stickling. Hopefully he will get revived and send us a full report, untill then, from me and them, it's a long goodnight to you Malton
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Post by 23skidoo on Aug 15, 2007 6:42:56 GMT -5
Its been a week now, and still no news from Malton. I'm worried that the 'minister may have reported his last, and a bright star has gone from the 6 o'clock sky.
Stay tuned, we'll keep his channel clear and pray that it's not all over.
And now, with a heavy heart, it's over to Brick with the weather......
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Post by 23skidoo on Aug 17, 2007 14:31:48 GMT -5
Whoooooahhhh....and breathe. Well viewers, its good to be back in the land of the pool party and johnny walker gold label! I think I had an 'epiphany' while I was out in the wild. I heard something downstairs when I was holed up in the North. I went to investigate and sure enough, there was Mr Zombie crawling through my shoddy barricade. I was about to unleash the axe when I heard a voice in my head saying 'when in Rome....', and I thought why not? What sort of reporter would I be if I was afraid to go deep deep deep undercover. And so instead of the axe, I offered it my arm. A weird sensation indeed, the change, a lot of pain, some revultion and a burn, a deep burn, followed by the hunger, a hunger that I did not think I could feel. I took to the streets, my old self mostly forgotten, but I do remember feeling that I dressed a little better than many of my new contemporaries. I followed the groan, I chased down the scents and I'm afraid to say I may have feasted on the prize if I had not heard the Conch! Just as I was about to chow down on a Flambe'd frontal lobe I heard the call of the Conch and I knew that my business lay elsewhere. I'm tired now, and seem to be safe in Yagaton, so I will sleep and then try to find a new jacket in the mall tomorrow. Its good to be back my friends, stay tuned and stay classy!
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Post by 23skidoo on Aug 20, 2007 10:03:40 GMT -5
I find myself this morning in the Style Building, where else! Its seen better days, as have we all, but the storm has passed, for now, and life finds a way. A bloody battle has been fought here good viewers and many good souls were lost but I find myself heartened by the sights and sounds around me. Shotguns being expelled, pistols being reloaded, ruins being rebuilt and bandages being taken off. The stench is still heavy in the air, and the floors are still slippy but the message seems to be a positive one. I went into Bale Mall yesterday for a new jacket and slacks. After dappering up a little I went over to Guns-R-Us for a reccy. I passed a guy comming out whining about searching all morning and only finding 2 shotgun shells and a flare gun. I think I may have to redirect him to the opticians next time I see him. After only a minute I tripped over a loaded shotgun and a box of shells. Dangereous and fortuitous are my middle names after all. After that I picked up one of the new line in toolboxes and hoisted it up by my camera strap. It seems a little bulky but those zombies seem more destructive than ever just now so a little barricading help may be a good idea. I hear rumours of the Channel 4Team getting down and dirty to the south so thats where I'm going to head. I also heard that 'wheelbarrows' have been discovered at Creedy and people are actually moving the dead zeds around. Crazy whispers most probably but it may be worth a side trip. Untill my next report, dont get eaten!
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Post by 23skidoo on Aug 20, 2007 10:06:43 GMT -5
Well folks, it's great that our man in the field is back amongst the living. But obviously his time in the wild has addled his brain a little. What the 'minister forgot to mention is that with the help of our sponsors, NecroTech, most of the dead are now breathing again and going about there business. Thanks NecroTech, from all of us outside Malton looking in.
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Post by 23skidoo on Sept 1, 2007 10:37:06 GMT -5
Good call Bill, you cant forget the Sponsors! Well folks, it's been a crazy couple of weeks here in central Malton. Things in Yagaton got pretty rough and I got turned a good few times. Luckily for me the resistance was not futile and the good folks up in Yagaton got me back on my feet before the hunger got a hold of me. I think I'd have to hang my mike in shame if I ever brought down one of our viewers, 'cept Mantooth of course, he'll always be fair game. So I was headed down to Perryn to report back from the front line when I got waylaid in Peppardville. The hospitality of the McLouds Pub regulars is legendary so I figured I'd see what the scoop was from the Bar Flys. They told me many tales and sold me many shots and as the hours passed into daze I could see the appeal of their post apocalyptic alcholism. Then trouble found us, and I'm not talking about running out of scotch - things seldom get that bad thank god. They came, they clawed and they ate us, didn't even leave a tip. But these folks are tough and the fight has been terrible. To and fro it goes, standing, shooting, biting, injecting, tequila, toolkits, first aid and fear. I dont know how this will play out but I'm staying for the time being to kill, cade and change the barrells. Perryn can wait, no doubt the Networks are there already, flavoring the truth with their corporate sauce. Stay tuned San Diego, dont believe the hype, zombies are not a passing fade that Malton Teenagers are going through, its not the evolution of Emo. It's a plague, one that a few brave news hounds and bitches are trying to keep from your door - but not from your screen!
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Post by 23skidoo on Sept 8, 2007 9:13:16 GMT -5
Salvation, thy name is Gidding! After putting down my dictaphone and going toe to toe with the zombie scourge for the last week I find myself in the relative safety of Giddings. This place has seen some of the worst kind of bad since Malton fell and it's story is written literally all over it's walls in claw marks, bullet holes and blood. I've showered, found a new sports jacket and recharged my equiptment and now I'm ready to take the mike to Perryn. The radio's giving out mixed reports about the situation down there but when is anything clear in this god forsaken town. Even the vodka's starting to look a little murky. I'd like to say a final thanks to Ada and the McClouds gang. If any of you are passing one of their haunts be sure to pop in and say 'hi'. As they say around these parts, it's either Malton or The Walton's and I know where I'd rather be. Goodnight John Boy! And Goodnight out there to you all.
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Post by 23skidoo on Sept 17, 2007 10:58:37 GMT -5
A despondant news hound greets you today viewers. Theres only one thing this reporter wants to know and that is WHY?! Why bother trying to survive, why patch up the walls and windows, why throw the bodies out the building, why patch up the wounded and revive the bloodflow challenged? Why do any of these things if your humanity has already left you. You may as well fall upon your cricket bats and chow down on some scalpel sandwiches. I apologise for the despair but after a soul destroying side trip to Creedy and then a heartbreaking hike to Perryn I feel like eating my Mike. It seems to me that humanity is better of divided for bringing us together in large groups only leads to senseless chatter, bad radio karaoke and a whole lot of murdering. From now on me and the camera are sticking to the shadows, hiding in the alleys and sleeping in the bear pits. No more group action, no more disorderly rabbles fighting for prime time interviews, no more outrageous tales that are only fit for tabloid press and 'celebrity' mags. I'm turning my back on civilisation as civilisation has turned its back on itself. Bloody degenerates. I'm now mooching in an abandoned cinema and I've managed to find an old reel of '28 Decades Later', swing by if you're in the area and I'll shout you a sprite! Untill next time viewers....
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